an excerpt from my upcoming collection

control.png

my upcoming collection, CONTROL, is quite possibly my darkest yet. most of the pieces were written during my stay in the psychiatric ward at the hospital, doped up on a variety of sedatives.  as the name implies, it studies my relationship (re: obsession) with control. the various ways in which i attempt, perhaps sometimes unhealthily, to regain the driver’s seat in my life. oftentimes with mental illness, it’s easy to feel like you aren’t even a passenger in the car, but kidnapped and locked in the trunk. this collection is, in a way, me pleading with the kidnapper. it is every attempt and every bargain. it is not for the faint of heart.

METHODS OF COPING I

relax,
we’ve buried this body before.
we’ll bury it again if we have to,
ignore the smell of rotting flesh
and the flies that won’t leave.
we’ve buried this body, several bodies,
and we’ll do it again
if we have to.

v5

Seaming

My CNF piece for a literary mag (Philadelphia Stories) is being republished for their 15th anniversary! if you’re in the philly or NJ area, you can get the mag for free! TW for mental health, abuse, suicide mention. take care of yourselves, lovelies 🥰

The piece is called Seaming, and is in equal parts a reflection of my complicated relationship with mental illness and my complicated relationship with my mother.

You can read it here. Please comment below if you have any thoughts on the piece! I’d love to know what you think.

eviction notice

i am standing at your door,

begging for entrance,

for three months now.

at some point you shoved me out,

sent me away,

and put yourself under lock and key.

and i— stricken with love,

i am standing at your door,

knocking until my hands are numb,

until my knuckles

are bleeding.

i am not sure why

i cannot leave.

i am not sure whether it is

the baggage i have left inside,

my final pack of cigarettes

sitting on your kitchen counter,

or the ages and ages

i have spent

dreaming of your living room.

when you first welcomed me in,

everything was so warm.

but it’s mid-February now,

i am stuck outside,

evicted

from the premises

and my feet

have frozen

in my shoes.