unwanted eulogy; killer grief

achem— ok—

he had a good taste in music,
so songs
are ruined
now.

every tune
reminds me
of him. 

he had a good laugh, too.
              i fought to hear it
              more               often               than               not.
                                                                i remember that day
                                                                he admitted
                                                                he never laughed
anymore.
                            i made an internal promise
                            to force it out of him.

              it is as healthy to laugh as it is to cry,
but there has to be a balance between the two.

Excuse me, you can’t be here—

in recent weeks
i have become a record               broken.
skipping on the same beat.
                                          there is some song,
                                                        some poem,
                                          stuck in my head.
some magical way to rid myself of this grief.
my chest burns with sorrow in a way
i cannot                            extinguish.
                                                        believe me, i’ve tried. 

You have no right to talk about him—

i have nothing else to think on
than his untimely passing
from my life.
                            sweet person,
                            kind hearted.
              you held me in your arms
              that night i cried without reason.
                            i have several reasons now,
                            several words i’d like to
rescind
              but cannot manage to.
              you were so gentle, so—

And yet you smothered him to death!  

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