3AM Nov 17th

It’s 3AM and you’re buying groceries.

You just so happened to fall in love with the girl who loved grocery stores, and in the fallout where the lines were drawn somehow she earned the right to each and every major franchise. The damn girl managed to leave her essence in every single one, and you can’t bear the risk of running into her and pretending everything is normal, dandy, peachy-keen. Somehow you manage to still look your best, though. Just in case.

It’s 3AM and you’re buying groceries.

Like usual your eyes sit on the back of your head, sensitive to every stare, from the few other poor souls who chose the same lifestyle.

You stare longer than you need to at the options for toilet paper, trying your best to forget how it was always your turn but she ended up buying them anyway.

It’s 3AM and you’re buying groceries, you remind yourself.

It has been 5 months and some change since you were together.

5 months and some change since you stopped picking up a sweat every time you were out together in public. She was never like that. It didn’t matter to her what others thought, her hand would always graze yours with a careless but deep love while yours twitched. Then again, she never sat in the closet for five years too long while the rest of the world she knew screamed ‘dyke’ at her. She touched you without a marred heart, without fear.

It’s 3AM and you’re buying groceries.

After a certain time the fluorescent light becomes a foreign entity and the place you’ve been existing in ceases to be and you’re back in your bedroom holding her as she breaks and falls apart before bed. Her love made you feel a way you never had before, never accepted before this moment. While you sat hidden away praying to change, God sent her into your path to show you He is not those who claim to speak His words. In her you found peace, serenity in falling apart, a feeling like maybe you’ve been whole all along, maybe you were never broken in the first place.

But things end. Things end, like they always do. Suddenly your house is no longer a shared home, no longer filled with her harmonious laughter or the musical silence. You’d always found silence to be a lovely thing with her, but now it’s deafening.

It’s 4:03AM and you’re still staring at the toilet paper.

You finally decide on a pack and move on, thinking you’re the only person in the world who choked up while standing in the grocery store in the middle of the night. Your lungs are ripped from your chest, and you feel the need to sit down, but you can’t—you’re in a grocery store.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s