on my mountain home

i stood outside your door with an open palm
and a smile on my face
i said, look i found your favourite flowers
one and three were clenched together tightly in my hands
i was vibrating at a frequency you couldn’t understand
but you always said you’d love me
so i thought you wouldn’t mind
if i visited you from the highest of mountains

instead the corner of your lips turned down
and your brows were furrowed
you ask me:
when was the last time i slept?
 the last i showered? or ate?
slept? showered? ate?
showered? ate? slept?
ate? slept? showered?
and when i said i didn’t know
you told me i shouldn’t come around here anymore,
that you couldn’t listen anymore,
that i had said the same thing
six times in a row
and now i was shouting
and the neighbours can hear
and you don’t like the way they look at us
when we’re together

i thought you would like me like this
i thought we could
take over the world like this
with me, buzzing and optimistic
instead of trapped within a dark room
and shying away from any light
i thought you would like me like this
like this
like this
like this
but you’re shutting the door
and you won’t let me say goodbye

i loved you so much i would have done anything you asked,
so when you asked me to dive into the ocean
i did,
even though i was afraid
but when i asked for you to come with me
you said you wouldn’t dream of it
you wouldn’t dream of it
you said you wouldn’t dream of it

you told me i had a winter heart
that i was cold
and all i would ever be was ice, ice, ice
you said the only thing i was good for
was giving people grief
you took me apart
and pieced me back together
the way you liked best

i told you the parts didn’t fit right,
weren’t put together properly
but you smiled and said you knew best
and i,
i loved you so much,
i would have done anything you said

{an excerpt from my book of poetry, beyond rock bottom, which I’ll be giving away for free for a limited time} 

 

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